You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
