every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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