Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
