Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
