she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize