and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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