Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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