I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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