stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
