Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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