The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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