He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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