I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
