Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
