I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
