Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
