The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
