Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
