She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
