he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I miss vodka workout Fridays
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
