I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
