One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
