I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
