WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
