I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
