The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
