don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
