I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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