oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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