you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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