What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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