The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
