Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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