I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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