i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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