I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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