Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize