Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize