Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
