I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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