you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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