Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
