Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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