well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dick very happy bro
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
