i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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