I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
