ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize