im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
