Your tits are I can't wait for
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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