My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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