Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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