I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
