i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
