You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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