Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
