Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
