Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
