you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
