I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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