is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
