I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Randomize
