I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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