no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You are the jesus of drinking
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
