Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
