Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
