and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
