bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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